Sunday, June 26, 2016

PARTYNEXTDOOR And Drake Release "Come And See Me" Music Video

*Disclaimer: Note that sarcasm is used frequently in this post

A lot of things bother me.

Like how if you're awake for 14 hours, you need 8 hours of sleep to recover, but if you're awake for 24 hours, you still only need 8 hours of sleep. How does that even work? Shouldn't the required sleeping time change with how long you're awake?

But nothing quite bothers me the way bad music does.

So when songs like Come And See Me by PARTYNEXTDOOR become instant hits, a little piece of me dies.

And I should have assumed, based on the over-the-top trying-to-act-like-a-gangster-but-probably-went-to-private-school look, that he is a product of Drake's company, OVO.

He also happens to be from my current city of Mississauga. This doesn't surprise me.

Nothing against Canadians (I am one, duh. Go Leafs!), but I mean, are you really going to try and play it off like you grew up in Detroit when you lived in what's known as the nicest country in the world?

Come on now. You and I both know you played rep hockey, were read Robert Munsch books, and watched Are You Afraid Of The Dark? when you were a kid. We all did. It's part of being Canadian, embrace it.

Moving on, the video starts off with Kylie Jenner brewing some tea in what is assumed to be her Calabasas mansion. The main vibe is that she's alone by herself (all dolled up of course) while her boyfriend (AKA Jahron) is out clubbing with other well known artists.

We soon see Jahron playing a piano while singing. This is hilarious because you barely even hear piano in the song. Actually, I still can't even tell if it's actually there.
The beat of it is pure DJ produced electronic, the same as every rap song on the charts. You couldn't even possibly rap the song with just piano, you'd sound like a jack*ss.

From this point it keeps panning to Kylie, all sad and alone in her palace, watching Snapchats of her boyfriend and reminiscing in a big dramatic way.

F*cking Snapchat.

The intendedly sad moment is of a rich girl watching videos through Snapchat on her IPhone of her rich rapper boyfriend.

I feel so heartbroken, no really, I do.

THEN as if we couldn't feel bad enough for poor Kylie (gag me with a spoon), it pans to her f*cking lip kit sitting on her makeup desk.

My automatic reaction was "did that just- did they just- no."

But yes, she did just use someone else's music video to further advertise her over-priced lip kit.

It then shows Kylie (still alone) putting on makeup and hoping her boyfriend will come over. Because what else would an attractive girl have to do with her life but put on makeup and hope for her boyfriend to come back from a party?

As a finale, after Kylie has sent multiple texts and voicemails, Jahron finally decides that he will make a big decision, a very honourable and gentlemanly decision that we should all be proud of: he leaves a party and goes over to his girlfriend.

How generous of you, Jahron. That must have been a big commitment for you. Kylie is so lucky.

Of course, because Kylie has nothing better to do with her life, she runs out to him in the rain (even though the house is like five feet away) and kisses him passionately.

I'm sorry guys, but I don't feel for your poor rich *sses or your nonexistent relationship problems.

It wasn't like when Aerosmith used Alicia Silverstone in their videos, like she was playing a role. It was literally just supposed to be Kylie in her mansion and her rapper boyfriend.

Pardon my language, but f*ck off.

As for the song itself, like usual, the voice is barely recognizable due to all the filters and autotune, the beat could have been made on Garageband and sounds like every other rap song this year, and the lyrics are sh*t.

The chorus:

"All she talkin' bout is come and see me for once
Come and see me for one
You don't ever come and see me, you don't ever come to me
All she ever say is come and see me for once
Come and see me for once
You don't ever come and see me, you don't ever come to me"

Can we get a round of applause? No really, this deserves an epic round of spastic applause for the amount of deep thought and passion put into this absolute poetry.

What was I supposed to get from this? Was I supposed to feel filled with emotion because I too have suffered such a dramatic and poetic situation?

Really though, did every artist in North America just recently decide "you know what, f*ck it, why bother using more than one line for a chorus anymore?"

Thanks for showing us all the definition of 2016,



P.s. Jahron's stage name, PARTYNEXTDOOR, derives from an autotune effect used in music studios. There really is no better way to describe him.

You just rhymed "right now" with itself four times
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