Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping Is An Accurate Depiction Of Modern Music

If you've already seen Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping then keep reading, if you haven't then turn back because there may be spoilers.

And I guess if you're one of those weird people who like reading spoilers before watching a movie then continue.

Popstar, featuring a number of real life musicians, The Lonely Island, Sarah Silverman, and that-guy-who-played-the-principle-in-Mean Girls-that-shows-up-every-so-often (Tim Meadows), was actually a pretty (and sadly) accurate depiction of the music industry. At least, how I see it.

For starters, the main character (Connor4Real) is supposed to be a mock-Justin-Bieber, and he plays the part pretty spot on: a guy that had a bit of rhythm when he was little and grew up to be a bit of a self-righteous douchebag with faux hip hop culture appropriating style and minimal-to-no musical incredibility. The type of person that pays other people to create hit songs for him.
(A few of which are actually good, don't get me wrong. But they're songs anyone with vocal chords and a team of producers can make in under an hour.)
Whilst portraying this persona, Connor is supposed to be the most famous person in the game, with bad songs, bad dance skills, and torturously woeful outfits, similar to the aforementioned Bieber or Drake (or anyone else on the Billboard if we're being honest).                                                    

And of course, throughout the movie we have real-life celebrities being fake interviewed and talking about how amazing and inspirational Connor is. Which is what most singers do for people like Justin Bieber, because who wants to be the *sshole that gets Twitter bullied into oblivion for not liking a stereotypical teeny-bopper heartthrob?

*Above: That guy from Supernatural *weighing in on the issue* of Justin Bieber

Then we have the songs in the movie. With lyrics like,

"Three blocks from home when she caught my eye
I shouldn't even be looking but she just had to be mine
Ten bedrooms, ten baths, 7,000 square feet
I was weak in the knees, she was the house of my dreams
I had just moved in to the place down the block
And now I'm thinking 'bout moving? Imagine my shock
I talked to my real estate guy, Peter
He was like, "Your house is beautiful, yo, how could you leave her?
6,000 square feet, a dolphin-themed pool
If I'm being honest, Connor, yo, I think you're a fool
But it's cool, you can definitely afford both places
Tell me what to do, God, my heart's torn in pieces"

it's funny to laugh at. The point of it is to be thinking "wow, this is so utterly ridiculous" and to find it humorous. Buuuuuuut I can guarantee that if this same song was released by Nick Jonas Feat. Drake it would end up being #1 on the Billboard for 18 consecutive weeks and be the summer anthem of North America. Because do lyrics even matter to anyone anymore? If they did, would Selena Gomez or Drake even be performing? 
Would repeatedly saying "kill 'em with kindness" like a 45 year old soccer mom or yapping "started from the bottom now we 'ear" for five verses really be making the top charts?
I love how they did this part of the movie, it's brilliant. It's hilarious because it's making a point that this is actually happening and nobody thinks anything of it. 

(Speaking of which; Drake, all of us Canadians know damn well that you lived in Forest Hill and went to private school, so stop playin' it like you're from Rexdale or went to Blessed Mother Teresa)

Okay so that's pretty accurate so far right? Then we have the onscreen depictions of stage gimmicks. Such as Connor4Real's DJ, Owen (AKA Kid Contact), having to wear a giant metal helmet with a white-light laser beam and War of Worlds sound effects on stage as to make him seem more interesting. Also having Connor change outfits as a magic trick to get the crowd hyped (which doesn't go well, as you will see in the movie).


*Above: Deadmau5                                                                                                 *Above: Popstar helmet                             

Funny right? But is this not exactly what celebrities do all the time? On one hand we've got Deadmau5 with the big mouse head, on the other hand we've got Miley Cyrus' famed foam finger and inappropriate twerking against a married mans crotch. Artists are constantly using gimmicks to hype their music, instead of actually just making better music
Sure, every artist should have their own eccentricity and be unique and fun to watch, but adding a gimmick is kind of lame to say the least, and unfortunately, done very very often.

Finally, the mocking of TMZ was just too accurate. Whenever it switches to what is implied to be the TMZ group, we see Chelsea Peretti, Eric Andre, and Mike Birbiglia amongst others drinking from large Big Gulp style cups and laughing spastically at Connor4Real's mishaps and/or seemingly nothing. 
Honestly, what do you guys even do? Do you actually just sit in a cubicle all day talking about celebrities going to rehab?

So thank you to everyone involved in the making of Popstar for not only another funny movie but for (not so) subtly making fun of celebrities and the media. You did well.

'am out,


P.s. Mariah Carey's cameo is just hilarious

*Above: Drake posing for Views in a jacket he probably already owned before he made Started From The Bottom

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