Saturday, June 25, 2016

Why I Find Ed Sheeran Annoying

You know those pictures you see shared around Facebook thousands of times saying "if yuo cna udnrestnad tihs yuor mnid cna do indcreilbe tihngs!"? You know, the ones that someone made thinking "wow, people are going to be amazed by this!" but it's actually super easy to read, stupid, and annoying as hell because you've already seen it way too many times?

Ed Sheeran is that post.

Him and his team of managers seem to have this idea that he's amazing but he's actually just kind of vapid and annoying as hell. And his music is spammed all over my social media, TV, and radio consistently when I've already heard it way too many freaking times.

As a person of lots of Scottish/English/Irish ancestry, it may seem a little wrong of me to not like an English/Irish singer. But I don't care. I can't stand him.

For starters, like it seems everyone currently successful in the music industry, Sheeran grew up with wealthy parents. They ran an independent art consultancy named Sheeran Lock from 1990 to 2010 and he went to Thomas Mills High School, a school with "academy status". According to internet sources, tuition fees for Thomas Mills are at £4530 per term including uniform.

During his childhood and teen years him, his brother, and his parents were constantly making trips to London for work, while playing music. Then as a teenager he started attending the National Youth Theatre in London.

So he had an upbringing in which his parents pathed the way for him to become a musician.

But this isn't what bothers me. (I mean, it does a little but it's not what really bothers me).

What really bothers me is that his music isn't good. In any way. People think he's sooooooo original but he's just doing whatever will get him to the top. And even doing that hasn't kept him on top.

Irritatingly, the lyrics aren't written by himself. Thinking Of You was written by Amy Wadge, Photograph was written by Johnny McDaid, and Lego House was written by Chris Leonard and Jake Gosling. But of course, they slapped Sheeran's name onto them as well to make it look like he was involved.

Besides that, I find myself irritated by things in the lyrics anyway. Just stupid things, like "And darling I will be loving you 'till we're seventy". So does that mean at 71 you'll be back in the dating pool?

And "take me into your loving arms, kiss me under the light of a thousand stars" sounds like it's a females song, it doesn't sound right.

Next, his voice is average at best. There's nothing magical or special about it. When he plays live it kind of sounds like when your buddy goes up for karaoke and everybody's laughing but he actually makes it through the song without sounding too bad so you're left thinking "aw hey, it wasn't actually that terrible!" but you wouldn't ask him to do it again.

Ed Sheeran is that guy.

And the style/genre itself is rubbish. It sounds like he got to the studio and the producers gave him a once over and said "well, you obviously can't sing alternative, hip hop, dance, jazz, pop, rock, country, or electronic so I guess we'll give you some girls songs and change the lyrics a little to make it sound more like a guy"

He sounds like all of his material is songs Birdy, Bon Iver, Ellie Goulding and Christina Perri didn't want.

(The only people pulling off this pop-acoustic-folk style as males are James Bay and Tom Odell, who both have unique and infinitely more mesmerizing voices than Ed Sheeran)

Finally, the look. I can't get past the look. He looks like a homeless street busker all the f*cking time and does the dude own a hairbrush?
Have you ever really seen Ed Sheeran wearing anything other than flannel, cheap sweaters, jeans, and oddly paired shoes? Like seriously, you're performing shows, not going into grade 8.

Plus his face kind of looks like he has people locked in his basement.

And he's friends with Taylor Swift.

So that is why I think Ed Sheeran is annoying and will dislike him far after I'm seventy.

Goodbye to you,


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