Thursday, June 23, 2016

Why Kill Em With Kindness Kind Of Sucks

Recently Selena Gomez released a new song called Kill Em With Kindness.

I hate this song. I hate this song with a fiery passion.

It starts with some cool-as-all-hell whistling and a basic beat, giving me the impression that I was going to like it. I'm a sucker for simplicity and mysterious coolness. It had me thinking, "wow, this might not suck".

That lasted about a second. (Actually 19 seconds but who cares about specifics).

In the video we see Selena Gomez sitting in what appears to be a silky black nightdress and acting all sad and dramatic while cameras are flashing, but not really pulling it off. Does Gomez even have personality? Or emotions? Is her relationship with Justin Bieber all that really defines her?
Basically, she comes across like a ditz 99% of the time.

So at the 19 second mark she starts singing. To be more accurate, 10 tracks of the same vocals are played simultaneously with the much needed company of not-so-subtle autotune, giving the illusion that Selena Gomez can sing. There is more echo happening here than if you were screaming at the bottom of the Grand Canyon.

Actually, is it just me or has Selena seemingly changed the way she sings all together? Now with songs like Can't Keep My Hands To Myself and Good For You she only sings quiet soft vocals.

You know why? So that she can perform it and not sound like a baby goose squawking around like a jack*ss.

So then we get to the chorus, which, you guessed it, is her repeating "Kill em with kindness" around 6 freaking times with nothing else in between. That's the chorus.

*internal screaming*

The whole bases of the song is ridiculous in itself. So you're given this specific sound, a hip hoppy or Alt R&B type sound that you would assume would be bad*ss or have a cool message.
I got a "The Big Bang" vibe from the start. Back in 2011 Rock Mafia released a song called The Big Bang (Rock Mafia is associated with Selena Gomez, funnily enough). The song was f*cking awesome and sung by Tim James (who should have done more songs).
It had lyrics that were mysterious and could be interpreted in many different ways, which is absolutely great.

But how is it cool to sing "Kill Em With Kindness"? It sounds like a little tune a mom would sing to her kids so they can remember how to handle bullies.

I felt like the next verse was going to be

"Yeah you know I
Look both ways before I cross the street
And sticks and stones may break my bones
But names will never hurt me"

Who wants to get all pumped and be like "Kill em with kindness"?! Who?! If you're going to get me all excited and hyped with your mysterious whistling and Big Bang beat then I expect you to sing about your bad-news boyfriend or how you're going to take a b*tch down. Why would anyone want to hype up in order to proceedingly sing about being "the bigger person"?!

The rest of the lyrics are pretty irritating as well. Filling in holes with "yeah" and "go 'head, go 'head now" because they (I'm assuming she had other people write this for her, because she's Selena Gomez) can't change the lyrics to sound right, and stupidity like "no war in anger, was ever won", uhm, I hate to break this to you, but actually a LOT of wars were won in anger. That's why we have f*cking wars. Because we're angry. My God.

And finally, this gem, "put out the fire, before igniting."

That is not how fire works Selena.

So this is why I hate this song. What could have been a good song was ruined by autotuning and echoed sh*tty lyrics that a five year old would write.

Damn you Selena, for giving me hope.


Chelsea

P.s. Songs like these are why music industry people are losing legitimate credibility



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