Saturday, July 2, 2016

Fergie Releases "M.I.L.F. $" And I Have Negative Feelings About It

When I first read the Facebook news article (what kind of f*cking "news" is this anyway?) that said "Artist Fergie Releases Music Video For M.I.L.F. $" I just knew it was going to be heart wrenching.

Let's start with the song itself.

So basically the entire chorus is "I GOT THAT, I GOT THAT, I GOT THAT MILF MONEY" repeated an unfortunate amount of times. Because, like I've noted before, apparently in 2016 the only thing you need to complete a chorus is one. f*cking. line.

A nonsensical one at that.

NEXT, and this is the cracker right here, is the fact that the entire song implies the molestation of young boys and women cheating on their husbands...

"Come on in the front door, leaving out the back door"

WHAT?!?!

Okay, spin this around for me for a second; just humour me.

Now imagine a 41 year old man made a song titled "D.I.L.F. $" and implied the molestation of young girls and cheating on his wife.

You would have a pack of wild feminazi's rushing his house with cannon balls and molotov cocktails.

Now you might be thinking "wait a second Chelsea, nowhere in the song does she technically say she was going for underage boys"

Then you should take a look at the video.



... That looks an awful lot like a group of Varsity football players, doesn't it? 

WHAT THE F*CK FERGIE?!

(Can you imagine if a 41 year old man made this same video, pretending to be a teacher amongst a bunch of High School cheerleaders? Wouldn't that go over well?)


Basically the entire song screams "I AM A MIDDLE AGED HOUSEWIFE WHO HATES HER RICH HUSBAND, IS IN THE MIDST OF A MID-LIFE CRISIS, AND WANTS TO BANG MY SONS BEST FRIEND"

And sorry, I don't know if I'm being unreasonable here, but that's just slightly gross to me. 

Especially considering she's married to Josh Duhamel. REALLY? YOU WOULD CHEAT ON JOSH DUHAMEL?! WHY??

(❤️❤️❤️)

Also, it features the likes of Crissy Teigen (is that how you spell it? Don't care.), Kim Kardashian, and Ciara, further implying that it's a normal thing for women to want to cheat on their husbands with teenage football players. 

Nice work Fergie. So respectable.


Way to take women back 50 years,

Love,

Chelsea and all of the self-respecting, monogamous, women of the world.

P.s. The not-so-subtle advertising of EOS lip balm just goes to show how little funds people offered to produce this video

P.p.s. Having Kim Kardashian pore milk over herself isn't going to give you a comeback from 2009. 

P.p.p.s. F*ck you Stacy.



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